For many, the next stop on the journey is a personal review, usually accompanied by a hefty dose of self-condemnation. It is easy to obsess over your failures - the distractions, the selfish moments, the choices that turned out badly. You weren’t perfect, because no one is. But you were likely far better than you are giving yourself credit for right now.

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Whitewashing your shortcomings won’t help. But they are not your whole story; there is also the good you did, or tried to do. That reality demands recognition, even if you are having a hard time seeing it yourself. The goal is a balanced understanding of who you were in this relationship.

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​Questions to Explore

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What would a genuinely impartial observer – someone who knew you well and had no stake in the outcome – say about you and how you handled this relationship?

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Does 'being accountable' mean answering exclusively for your flaws?

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Are you acknowledging the care you provided then, or that you still extend even now?

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The pivot to anger often follows the collapse into self-blame. Where are you in this process?

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